okay so me and april decided we would post things online in case this hurricane is really awful and we die.
uhm,
i really don't know what to say actually.
it is around 6pm and its 8/31/08
hurricane gustav might be hitting us and we're staying in metairie.
we have everything we need like water and whatever and i think we might be good for it.
i am drunk and have been for like three days. april is filling bins with water.
alright so i think the purpose of this whole thing is to tell people how we really feel about them and this whole situation.
first off i would much rather die here than leave and start over but really i don't think we are anyway.
i can't really keep my thoughts in order since we are fucked up so bear with me.
i guess i'll start with a list of people i want to say something to.
annalyse devall - you didn't yell at us for what we are trying to do and you only expressed concern and i love you for it. i am so glad we are as close as we are. we're not really alike but we get each other so well and i have never once thought anything bad of you. i love you so much, girl. being silly with you is more fun than i normally have. i can't even fully express how much i appreciate you.
austin swanson - i'm so glad we had those talks before you left and i really did miss you a lot. i never stopped thinking about you. thanks for supporting us in what we're doing. honestly, i will love you until the day i die no matter what. you are my one and only and this week has been so amazing and you are a huge part of it. god, you don't even know how happy you have made me. you are truly the most amazing boy on the planet.
kitty towe - we are on the same wavelength and its awesome. you know what i am thinking right now and you told me you would do the same thing. when we were best friends we had so much fun. we were always so random and silly and dind't give a fuck about anything. i have missed you a whole lot lately and that text about how much you missed made me happier than you will ever know. i love you and i am so glad you found a boy to make you happy. its really awesome even if he took my time with you away. i want you to know that you are the shit for real. you are really cool and chill and you don't judge and its great. i had so much fun with you.
alex lespinasse - you have been so good to me and i know that you try. the fact that you are up in tennessee with the girl you say you'll love forever is really bugging the shit out of me. i haven't really gotten many phone calls from you and what you say shows me that you don't know how to handle situations like this and that you really don't know how you feel about me. i really appreciate all you have ever done for me but it feels like our relationship has just been us bullshitting this whole time. you know how to express "love" to me on a regular basis but when shit really goes down i can tell you don't know what you want or if you care about me. i care about you a lot and i hope you can be happy with your life. i'm sorry i didn't do more for you when i had the chance.
alex senac - we were really close at some point but after a while i could tell you didn't give a shit. and the messages about us dying and you laughing about it didn't help our situation. you are an asshole but i know that you are worth something really and if you stopped caring and quit obsessing over getting fucked up you could actually go somewhere. with your friendships, your life, whatever. i really love you and i hope you straighten out because you are good and you can do whatever you want to if you stop caring about what's unimportant.
mike althans - i loved you once but after all this i can tell that you care more about what you do than the well being of others. you cared more about how much i would listen to you than what was actually happen to me. what i need right now is support and all you can give me is bullshit and call me stupid. fuck that. you are a good person but what you need more than anything is to quit giving a fuck about everything else.
john lanier - i don't really know you but you're pretty cool and i really like how much you care about april. i'm glad you can show goodness in these situations even when it doesn't fully affect you. thank you for your support.
dustin w - you really helped us with everything you gave us to survive this. and thank you for trying to stay with us. you are a wonderful person and i'm glad you are who you are.
corey shexnaildre - you are one the most genuine people i know. stay that way. i love you and you are more caring than most people. you are better than you know.
aris petrou - quit pretending. that's all i have to say.
idk i guess that's all the people involved in this right now. whatever. i know who i care about and i've really noticed who gives a fuck and who only cares about themselves.
i have full faith that i won't die but just in case we're taking all precautions we can.
to everyone who thinks i am an idiot for this.
fuck you.
i would never leave april here alone for anything. i love her and we have a bond stronger than anything. we can make it through this. and we will.
if you don't believe in us then you obviously don't know us as well as you think.
so that's it.
as for my family.
mom i know you know me better than you think. i haven't hidden a single thing from you. i know you don't believe it but its true. i am not worse than i say. i think what i have told is bad enough and i wish you wouldn't think worse of me. i know you never believed i would make it to college but i did and i love how proud you are of me and i really appreciate all you've done. we were never really close until recently and i really love it like this. you've done some awful things to me and i know its not your fault you freak out sometimes and its okay so do i. i couldn't have asked for a better mother. even though you're crazy you know what i'm doing and you know how i feel and you know whats important to me and you respect it. i love you so much mom and despite how distant out family is we are closer than i am to anyone in it. you are the best and i want you to know that i appreciate everything you have done even when you have messes up i know you try. i love you i love you i love you. know that i have done everything to make you happy. when i dropped out of school i was just protecting us and you know why.
stay happy mom and remember all the advice i gave you. don't take shit from anyone. be yourself and dont give in to anyone. you are strong and you need to fight it.
shelly we are so much alike and i am so glad we got close again. you got me out there doing shit to have fun. thanks for getting me out of my shell some. i love you, sista. and you have felt more on my level than anyone related to us.
chelsea everything you have done to me i have already forgotten about and i want nothing more for you than to get better. please do. i want you to be happy and with mykensie and off drugs and just... happy. please make a bigger effort. i love you. i do.
brandi i have never hated you for what you have ever done to me.i love you and i am sorry for everything you went through. you were always the sister that was actually the "big sister" type i argued with and whatnot.and it helped with who i am.
dad i really wish you had cared more than you showed. i am not just one of a bunch of kids you happened to have. none of us are. we all needed you and looked to you and we are all different and stop grouping your kids together. we all have hard lives and if you were a decent human being you'd be there for all of your children because we know you see how bad we have all been without a more responsible father.
look i am drunk and don't know what else to say but i think that's it and i will be fine dead or alive.
i'm ready for this.
uhm,
i really don't know what to say actually.
it is around 6pm and its 8/31/08
hurricane gustav might be hitting us and we're staying in metairie.
we have everything we need like water and whatever and i think we might be good for it.
i am drunk and have been for like three days. april is filling bins with water.
alright so i think the purpose of this whole thing is to tell people how we really feel about them and this whole situation.
first off i would much rather die here than leave and start over but really i don't think we are anyway.
i can't really keep my thoughts in order since we are fucked up so bear with me.
i guess i'll start with a list of people i want to say something to.
annalyse devall - you didn't yell at us for what we are trying to do and you only expressed concern and i love you for it. i am so glad we are as close as we are. we're not really alike but we get each other so well and i have never once thought anything bad of you. i love you so much, girl. being silly with you is more fun than i normally have. i can't even fully express how much i appreciate you.
austin swanson - i'm so glad we had those talks before you left and i really did miss you a lot. i never stopped thinking about you. thanks for supporting us in what we're doing. honestly, i will love you until the day i die no matter what. you are my one and only and this week has been so amazing and you are a huge part of it. god, you don't even know how happy you have made me. you are truly the most amazing boy on the planet.
kitty towe - we are on the same wavelength and its awesome. you know what i am thinking right now and you told me you would do the same thing. when we were best friends we had so much fun. we were always so random and silly and dind't give a fuck about anything. i have missed you a whole lot lately and that text about how much you missed made me happier than you will ever know. i love you and i am so glad you found a boy to make you happy. its really awesome even if he took my time with you away. i want you to know that you are the shit for real. you are really cool and chill and you don't judge and its great. i had so much fun with you.
alex lespinasse - you have been so good to me and i know that you try. the fact that you are up in tennessee with the girl you say you'll love forever is really bugging the shit out of me. i haven't really gotten many phone calls from you and what you say shows me that you don't know how to handle situations like this and that you really don't know how you feel about me. i really appreciate all you have ever done for me but it feels like our relationship has just been us bullshitting this whole time. you know how to express "love" to me on a regular basis but when shit really goes down i can tell you don't know what you want or if you care about me. i care about you a lot and i hope you can be happy with your life. i'm sorry i didn't do more for you when i had the chance.
alex senac - we were really close at some point but after a while i could tell you didn't give a shit. and the messages about us dying and you laughing about it didn't help our situation. you are an asshole but i know that you are worth something really and if you stopped caring and quit obsessing over getting fucked up you could actually go somewhere. with your friendships, your life, whatever. i really love you and i hope you straighten out because you are good and you can do whatever you want to if you stop caring about what's unimportant.
mike althans - i loved you once but after all this i can tell that you care more about what you do than the well being of others. you cared more about how much i would listen to you than what was actually happen to me. what i need right now is support and all you can give me is bullshit and call me stupid. fuck that. you are a good person but what you need more than anything is to quit giving a fuck about everything else.
john lanier - i don't really know you but you're pretty cool and i really like how much you care about april. i'm glad you can show goodness in these situations even when it doesn't fully affect you. thank you for your support.
dustin w - you really helped us with everything you gave us to survive this. and thank you for trying to stay with us. you are a wonderful person and i'm glad you are who you are.
corey shexnaildre - you are one the most genuine people i know. stay that way. i love you and you are more caring than most people. you are better than you know.
aris petrou - quit pretending. that's all i have to say.
idk i guess that's all the people involved in this right now. whatever. i know who i care about and i've really noticed who gives a fuck and who only cares about themselves.
i have full faith that i won't die but just in case we're taking all precautions we can.
to everyone who thinks i am an idiot for this.
fuck you.
i would never leave april here alone for anything. i love her and we have a bond stronger than anything. we can make it through this. and we will.
if you don't believe in us then you obviously don't know us as well as you think.
so that's it.
as for my family.
mom i know you know me better than you think. i haven't hidden a single thing from you. i know you don't believe it but its true. i am not worse than i say. i think what i have told is bad enough and i wish you wouldn't think worse of me. i know you never believed i would make it to college but i did and i love how proud you are of me and i really appreciate all you've done. we were never really close until recently and i really love it like this. you've done some awful things to me and i know its not your fault you freak out sometimes and its okay so do i. i couldn't have asked for a better mother. even though you're crazy you know what i'm doing and you know how i feel and you know whats important to me and you respect it. i love you so much mom and despite how distant out family is we are closer than i am to anyone in it. you are the best and i want you to know that i appreciate everything you have done even when you have messes up i know you try. i love you i love you i love you. know that i have done everything to make you happy. when i dropped out of school i was just protecting us and you know why.
stay happy mom and remember all the advice i gave you. don't take shit from anyone. be yourself and dont give in to anyone. you are strong and you need to fight it.
shelly we are so much alike and i am so glad we got close again. you got me out there doing shit to have fun. thanks for getting me out of my shell some. i love you, sista. and you have felt more on my level than anyone related to us.
chelsea everything you have done to me i have already forgotten about and i want nothing more for you than to get better. please do. i want you to be happy and with mykensie and off drugs and just... happy. please make a bigger effort. i love you. i do.
brandi i have never hated you for what you have ever done to me.i love you and i am sorry for everything you went through. you were always the sister that was actually the "big sister" type i argued with and whatnot.and it helped with who i am.
dad i really wish you had cared more than you showed. i am not just one of a bunch of kids you happened to have. none of us are. we all needed you and looked to you and we are all different and stop grouping your kids together. we all have hard lives and if you were a decent human being you'd be there for all of your children because we know you see how bad we have all been without a more responsible father.
look i am drunk and don't know what else to say but i think that's it and i will be fine dead or alive.
i'm ready for this.
